tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-90654179894529536292024-02-19T10:20:48.658+02:00Curls of WisdomA space for thoughts, advice, and lifestyle tips. Who knows what the curls will unfurl today?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-16998990082852042862014-10-20T00:19:00.000+03:002014-10-20T00:19:34.027+03:00Where is the champion of those saddled with student loans?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Let me start off by saying, I recognize, no one made me take out student loans. They were the only way I could afford graduate school, and I was grateful for the opportunity to go. Despite my debit of $49,500 upon graduation I did not regret my decision (although I did regret not trying harder to find scholarship options). I was fortunate enough to start working at a full-time job exactly 6 months after graduation - precisely when I became responsible for repayment. Everything was great.<br />
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Not long after I began working the government instituted a policy of loan forgiveness for anyone who worked in civil service. Although I qualified, as an employee of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, after crunching the numbers I saw I was ineligible because I made too much - a back handed compliment if there ever was one. I felt like the stereotyped middle class - making too much money to qualify for any assistance, but not enough that I actually could afford all of my expenses and have room to breath at the end of every month.<br />
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Ultimately, I was a vision of the American work ethic - hard work paid off in the form of an increased salary, something I know many, many people go without (including some of my coworkers who were denied even a cost of living adjustment for years). With this added income I increased my student loan payments to more than was required. I felt good that I was saving money by reducing the amount I would have to pay back over time in interest. At the rate I was going I would be able to pay off my loans a few years early. I wouldn't be able to afford buying a house at the same time as many of my peers, but at least I would have this albatross off from around my neck.<br />
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To make a long story short, I decided to pursue my dream in life, a luxurious first world privilege if there ever was one. I took an unpaid leave of absence from my job and was able to negotiate a reduction in my monthly student loan payment - roughly half of what I had been paying. I was able to make these payments every month over the last two years. Sometimes I didn't know how I was going to do it, but always something came through - be it a tax refund, a surprise job, etc. Then, a couple of months ago I started a new, full-time job, something I hadn't had since I took my leave of absence two years prior. I'm in a completely different field, something that has absolutely nothing to do with either of my degrees. At first I was resentful I had these loans - what was the point if I'm working in an unrelated field. I expressed these feelings to an older woman in my neighborhood I spend time with (older in age but not spirit), and she corrected me - saying that my anger at my loans was misplaced. Of course, she was right. I was mad that while I finally had more money to my name than I had for a long time, I still couldn't spend it the way my friends did (vacations, cars, even going out to eat), because I had my loans to pay. This is an idea worth exploring another time, but tangential to the issue at hand.<br />
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I had been thinking about how to manage my loans. Friends told me about companies that would buy out my loans and let me pay them back at a lower interest rate. It was something I was considering, but was hoping to wait until I got some sort of a raise - at least enough of an income that I could approach an American financial institution asking for a loan and not be laughed away. But, the clock that we forget is always ticking in life caught up to me. Last month I received an email informing me that since it had been two years, not only would my student loans increase to what they had been previously, when the amount was contingent on an income that was roughly three times what I'm making now, but that there would be an extra amount added each month, to make up for the full amount I had not been paying. Essentially, I was told I would have to pay almost three times what I would had been paying. Not just once - but every month until I paid off my loans. The amount demanded by my student loan provider was about half of my take-home pay. I did not worry about this - how could they expect me to come up with this? I submitted a request for a reduction in my monthly payment, happily sharing my previously embarrassingly small salary, brimming with confidence that my request would be accepted.<br />
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My only response ended up being a notification that the massive monthly payment was successfully extracted from my bank account. I gasped in horror - what should have lasted me three months, which was plenty of time for there to be miraculous influxes of money here and there to allow me to continue my payments - had suddenly vanished. I frantically took to social media, asking for help what to do. More than a few people, with varying degrees of seriousness, suggested I withdraw all my assets from the US and just forget about the debt. Since I was living abroad without any plans to move back, what did my credit score there matter any way? While it sounded satisfying in my state of panicked anger, it was not a real solution for me. I acquired this debt honestly, and willingly, and so shall I pay it back.<br />
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So why am I here? Because my consternation is not unique to me. Perhaps my financial hardship was acquired in a uniquely fun way, but it is the same hardship shared with so many Americans around my age today. Saddled with a debt that cannot be vanquished the way so many others can. Student loans are not, or at least should not, be considered more impervious than vanity purchases on credit cards. Why can private loans be renegotiated for more favorable rates, while something that was undertaken for edification, be more rigid that the financial obligations of income taxes. How is it that a society that is so fiercely proud of the right to an education, and the idea that one can improve their lot in life through education, subject those that can't meet the expectations of repayment to a fate worse than many crimes. Try getting a job, let alone being able to rent an apartment or lease a car if you have on your credit report that you failed to pay back your student loans.<br />
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At the end of the day, I'm not disappointed in the choices I've made. I'm disappointed that as a society we are able to effect changes that are so meaningful to people's every day lives in a positive way - yet the problem of student loan debts continues to cripple not only those bearing them, but society as a whole. While corporate 'people' were quickly bailed out, in order to prevent the economic fallout on the nation, our economy is quietly stifled by a problem that no one is able to rally for a solution. How much more stimulated would the economy be if there was a stimulus package helping to reduce the interest rate for student loans - allowing them to be paid off faster. Why do economic packages from Congress need to be 'shovel ready', couldn't they be just as valuable if they freed up Americans from bondage to miserable jobs or liberated them from their parent's basement because they could finally afford their own place? Where is the champion of this movement? I'll tell you - probably working two jobs just to make ends meet.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-2325405996582404752014-10-10T02:39:00.000+03:002014-10-10T12:23:31.773+03:00My Red Solo Cup Moment<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I reached a milestone in my adult life tonight: I left a party early.<br />
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Ok, this might not seem like an actual thing to have emotions over, I realize. I'm a person who really enjoys parties: meeting new people, hearing different points of view, generally expanding my horizons. When you add the social lubricant of alcohol things get interesting real quick.<br />
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Truth be told, nowadays I prefer to spend my evenings being insufferably productive: doing yoga, learning something new, cleaning my apartment. However, in the spirit of the new year, I was inspired to go outside my routine and try new things. So, when a friend asked if I wanted to come out, I ignored my initial reaction of 'no' in favor of 'ok but I might want to leave inappropriately soon after we arrive." We agreed my response to her invitation was odd but fair.<br />
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After walking 23 mins longer than promised, we finally got there, me awkwardly sweating from carrying a backpack, plus pushing my bike and myself uphill. The host offered to make me a drink: my options consisting of vodka, coke zero, or a combination of the two. I declined, feeling like the only successful prodigy of Nancy Reagan's campaign in a room full of people forgoing the mixer because it was a waste of space in their cup. Then I just felt old, realizing that most people there were born after Reagan finished his presidency.<br />
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Having established I'm ok coming to a party and being a wet blanket, I looked around to see if there was anyone to strike up a conversation with. There were a bunch of guys calling each other 'bro' in one corner and talking excitedly about something, so I decide to head in the other direction and sat across from a guy thoughtfully watching fashion models walk down a runway. It was jarring for the simple reason most of my friends don't have a television in their homes anymore - either due to its pervasive effect, or the fact you can watch everything online. Hipsters and haredi people really have a lot in common.<br />
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"I really enjoy the thought-provoking storyline," I said deadpan. For some reason I thought being sarcastic would be a good way to begin my new friendship.<br />
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He smiled uncertainly and explained that it was, "For the ambiance more than the plot."<br />
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"Looking to spice up your wardrobe?"I asked with a raised eyebrow before realizing this is probably not the way to talk to a complete stranger. I instantly regretted not having a cup full of vodka instead of stupid water.<br />
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"No, I mean.." he trailed off as his eye remain transfixed at the women hypnotically walking up and down runways.<br />
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I looked around the party; it was something I would have enjoyed when I was their age. But it was more than that - I had already checked off this box in the bingo game of life. I started getting practical on myself: how much could I accomplish at a pregaming for the night when I had no intention of drinking or going bar hopping? When was the last time I pregamed for anything? What was I really doing there?<br />
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I started furiously looking at my phone in order to be engaged in something. At that point I realized if I had to look at my phone to be entertained, I might as well just leave. If I'm not there for the people, then I'm not really at the party. Not only that, but I had come so far on my journey in life, why go back to a stage that I had left in favor of loftier, more long term goals?<br />
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While having my coming-of-age moment I got a text: it was a friend inviting me to brunch in her sukkah the next morning. This is what I wanted - not necessarily more carbs, but time in the sukkah, focusing on the holiday, the spiritual. Something that wouldn't give me a hangover the next day, although perhaps another kind of regret when my skirts won't zip after the holiday season finishes.<br />
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With that, I put away my phone and picked up my bag. I said my farewells, making sure to thank the host for his tap water, and began the uphill bike ride home. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was in much better shape than I anticipated, and was able to climb the hills with minimal distress. It was reaffirming - a timely reminder that the efforts we put in over time to work hard and get better at anything do pay off as long as you are consistent. Whether it is climbing hills on your road bike or leaving certain types of events or behaviors in your past, change is possible.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-9904119909743736182014-07-06T14:06:00.000+03:002014-07-06T14:07:24.433+03:00Take a break and watch these chickens break up a bunny fight<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Every time I go to facebook or twitter, or just go online in general, I'm met with increasingly hysterical and frantic news reports. Things keep going from bad to worse. I'm not even going to bother to link to what I am referring to, because the truth is, horrible stuff is going down all over the world.<br />
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How do we go on without falling into a pit of despair? Youtube. Here are some videos of animals doing what people can't - breaking up fights and otherwise getting along with those not like them.<br />
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Here are two chickens breaking up a rabbit fight (favorite sentence of today)
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Here is a dog breaking up a fight of two other bickering dogs</div>
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Cats save family from bears</div>
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Cat saving boy from dog<br />
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This bird is literally stepping on this cat's neck. Still getting along.
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A BALD EAGAL A FOX AND CATS ALL IN THE SAME SPACE AND JUST BEING CHILL
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-70817719773424533962014-06-30T22:50:00.000+03:002014-06-30T23:16:08.613+03:00No Prayer Goes Unheard<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The day after tens of thousands of Israelis<a href="http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4535678,00.html"> rallied in the middle of Tel Aviv</a>, joining together in their longing for the safe and speedy return of the abducted teenagers, Israel got their wish. Well, sort of. The fates of the boys were finally discovered. Details are still sketchy, but it seems they were murdered soon after their abduction. Is that a relief? Is the fact it's finally over a relief? Can there be any good from such a confusing and sad situation?<br />
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I think the love and concern that poured out of strangers for the well-being of these boys, from all over the world, is one consolation. Those prayers don't just disappear simply because they weren't answered the way we wanted them to. The 18 days of prayer can be correlated to the '18' prayer we say several times a day - the <i>Shemonah Esrey</i>. One of the prayers states that God is '<i>shomeah tefilah</i>' that He hears prayer. It's in the present tense. Our Sages tell us this means that no sincere prayer goes unanswered. It could be that now is not the right time, but those heartfelt please and tears don't fall on deaf ears. Even if you don't believe in God (כ"ו) the positive energy put out into the universe, the unity and love and longing for things to be good - that doesn't just stop being there. It's there, and it will be used.<br />
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And let us not forget, that we don't need a heart-stopping event to remind us that we are all one. The next time you find yourself thinking thoughts that distance you from your fellow human, whether it's bearing a grudge, talking gossip, or being jealous, remember how easy it was to see the best in people when we were all on the same team. We still are, that hasn't changed. And that is a relief. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-13511357834770796432014-06-22T19:34:00.001+03:002014-06-24T17:21:13.045+03:00Don't talk about your feet and other things not to say on a first date<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Like death and taxes, dating is often one of those unavoidable things we just have to suffer through until we meet ‘the one’. While it doesn’t have to be a grueling process, it often is.<br /><br />First dates are exciting, brimming with potential. But the fact that your next first date could be your last first date comes with the flip side: not only could it not lead to marriage (or even a second date), it could be down right unpleasant. I’m a glass-is-half-full kind of person – the crazier someone acts on the first date, the more grateful I am it happened on the first, and not the third, or tenth, date – or after the honeymoon. The sooner I see we are totally incompatible, the sooner I can move on to someone more suitable. No matter how sunny my disposition on dating is, it doesn’t mean I’m not thrown for a loop when dates say things that raise an eyebrow or two. Since I always try to protect the privacy of those I date (hopefully ensuring guys will continue to want to go out with me without fear of becoming the subject of an upcoming column) I crowdsourced my friends for some of the least-expected, and least welcomed, sentences they've heard on a first date. <br /><br />Think of this as perspective for your next less than great first date – at least he or she didn’t say any of the things below (or if it was something worse please share!).<br /><br />Things not to say on a first date:<br /><br /> 1. "I have written a poem for you on my cellphone while I was on the toilet, would you like to see?”<br /><br /> 2. "Did you know you can pleasure a man with your feet?" <br /><br /> 3. "Wow, you don't look like you exercise!"<br /><br />4. "You don't move much, do you?"<br /><br /> 5. "I heard she only married me to get back at her dad."<br /><br /> 6. "If your phone rings, you can answer it, if my mom calls I'm going to answer."<br /><br /> 7. "Did you used to do a lot of drugs, because you talk like you used to do drugs."<br /><br /> 8. "When was the last time you had sex? For me it was last night."<br /><br /> 9. "The neighborhood I live in is great if you want to make sure women never talk to you."<div>
<br /> 10. "I haven't told my doctor, but I stopped taking my meds."<br /><br /> 11. "I wanted to let you know that I have a platonic relationship with this girl. Every time she's sad she comes over and I comfort her, like we sleep together."<br /><br /> 12. "I think Borat is an accurate representation of life as a foreigner in the USA."<br /><br /> 13. "I don't want to kill my ex-wife, I just wish she was dead."<br /><br /> 14. "My brother is very well off and he took his wife last year to France, that is probably where my Nephew was conceived."<br /><br /> 15. "You look tired." <br /><br />Each phrase has its own curl of wisdom behind why it is so very wrong to say on a first date (or in some cases, ever). We can discuss those at another time. In the meantime, please share your own worst date phrases in the comments, and breathe a sigh of relief if you never heard any of these!<div style="text-align: left;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-43020882220591782282014-06-17T19:37:00.004+03:002014-06-18T15:35:09.141+03:00How you can help<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As soon as Shabbat went out this past Saturday night, the first thing on everyone's mind was checking the news. We had heard a rumor over lunch that the boys were found just before Shabbat came in, and we were yearning for it to be true. Sadly, obviously, it wasn't. One of my friends began reading from a news site, the only light in the room coming from the computer monitor, all of us so anxious to find out what happened, no one could bother the extra step to turn on a light after Havdallah. I sunk down onto the couch, hearing words, but not understanding. How do we live in a world where these headlines are real and not on some television show? How does the President of the United States send a message congratulating the US Soccer Team on their win in the World Cup, but no words of comfort to the family of the boy with US citizenship? <br /><br />You could say, it's easy not to care when it's not your family, not your country. At the end of the day, these events have minimal-to-no impact on most people’s daily life. Even when people care, like when the Nigerian girls were taken, the concern only lasts so long. There is some other international tragedy that gets picked up in the news cycle. <br /><br />I've been trying to find something redeeming in all of this. I'm a glass-half-full everything-has-a-silver-lining person. The Jews have gone through a lot over the past 3,000+ years, and this is bar far not uncommon in our history. So much so, that many hundreds of years ago in Europe, a famous rabbi who was abducted and held for ransom ordered his congregation to ignore the mitzvah of redeeming a Jewish hostage to prevent further abductions of Jews. I found it powerful when we don't give in to despair. When we fight to not be a weak, downtrodden people. Equally powerful are the efforts being made to encourage people to do acts of kindness. I can't explain to you why doing gemilut chasadim (acts of lovingkindness) is the most appropriate response to the brutal abduction of three teenagers on their way home for Shabbat - but it is. It's simply such a beautifully quintessential Jewish response. <br /><br />I wish we didn’t need such negative events to bring us together, to inspire us in these ways. The unspoken part of going through these things together as a nation is the universal idea that we are one. So how do we temper the suffocating knowledge that people we love are in mortal danger, living in terror? By putting more love and light into the world. It reminds me of Tinker Bell in Peter Pan, if you clap your hands and believe, she will live. If we don't let the evil in this world bring us down, if we push through it and replace it, drown it out with our acts of love for no other sake then themselves and wanting to bring happiness to the world, things will get better. <br /><br />Which brings me to my request for action, what you can do in the face of this tragedy: Join Curls of Wisdom this Thursday in not speaking any lashon hara negative words about any person. Lashon hara is divisive, it cuts and separates and erodes us as a people. If we can go a whole day without any negativity come out of our mouths, think of how much more positive the world will be on that day. Even the most hardened among us must admit, that one day without speaking negatively about another person can't hurt, and G-d Willing, can only help. Even if you slip up, every time you make an effort to not say something negative, you are changing yourself and the world. We will ask everyone to share their stories with us. <br /><br /><span style="line-height: 17.25px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm not going to be so chutzpadik as to suggest that not speaking gossip for 24 hours will solve the problems in this world, or even release the hostages. What I will say is that it will make the world a better place, because we will be making ourselves better people. Don't give up hope, step up help.</span></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-9426882155271734382014-06-05T17:45:00.004+03:002014-06-05T17:49:43.073+03:00Straight Talk with Rivkah Naomi - Emuna Gym<div class="MsoNormal">
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<b><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Straight Talk with Rivkah Naomi<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Emuna Gym</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">“Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Make you want to move your dancing feet”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</span></span><!--[endif]--><span dir="LTR"><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Bob Marley<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">There is no chidush that during the good times the
spirit of hope is awake and moving you forward joyfully. All around the
sweetness of the warm sunlight and the luminous moon by night seem poised and
placed by Hashem to light, support and delight your way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">You make the bus, receive good news and your soup
turns out perfectly. You feel it, all of it. You feel loved and supported by
G-d at one with the efforts and flow of the universe. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Confronted by small challenges you access your
connection to HKBH. You activate your emuna, you deeply trust that all will be
as it should be and you affirm that it is “all good” Baruch Hashem.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Your friends stop by for a schmooze and receive
some chizuk. You, of the sunshine dancing feet, are Capital C connected to the
divine and generously give a splash of your overflowing emuna to your holy
friend. You know that it’s All Good and All for the Good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">So let’s be real for a moment. It doesn’t last.
Your receive bad news, 5 dates in a row gone the way of total rejection. Your
parnasah is challenging and your room mate moves out without notice and someone
steals your wallet, all in the same week and yeah, the dermatitis was a nice
bonus touch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Sun may be shining but all you have are unhappy
feet that are opting out, out of it all. It’s too hard and too painful and
where is Hashem anyway. You are already having trouble making rent this month,
why would you get your wallet stolen and your room mate move out?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">This could be A Sign… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">You lay in bed with a quiet dread. What is the
sign saying to you? And thus an embossed linen invitation is hand delivered to
your yetzer hara to please make itself at home, an extended stay.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Maybe you are deserving of a punishment, maybe you
don’t deserve anything good anyway. Maybe you are not supposed to be in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Israel</st1:place></st1:country-region>. Maybe
you will never get married. Maybe your room mate doesn’t like you. Maybe you
are too short, too tall too thin, not good looking enough. Maybe nothing good
will ever happen to you. Maybe everything you do is pointless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Maybe, Hashem doesn’t love you!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">It is so easy to fall from your place of
connection into an abyss that is the dark road of the yetzer hara. Let’s be
real, you probably can’t maintain those dancing feet highs but also you can’t
sojourn to long on strange roads in the dark of night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">What is a holy neshama to do when tossed into this
furnace? Channel Avraham Ivinu of course! Just as he was cast in to the idolaters
fiery furnace and came out so too you can survive the fiery furnace of doubt
and fear and emerge stronger.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Straight talk is about strategy so let’s talk
about a plan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0in;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">When the sun is shining, move your dancing feet! Breathe in that
goodness. Soak your neshama in the sunshine of Hashem and dig life. Bank
your connection so that you can access it and the deep knowledge that you
are always in Hashem’s zone of protection on the dark road.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Accept that different things happen all the time and sometimes those
things feel great and sometimes they feel awful. It does not mean that you
are great or that you are awful. You my holy friend are You, perfectly
you. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">When you build a muscle you strain it to the point that it needs a day
or two to recover and rebuild itself. For this pain you receive a nice
bicep; same goes for your sweet soul. She needs to be stressed and recover
from time to time all to build her strength which allows for a stronger
connection to HKBH and to the other lovely neshamot she meets in a day.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">Think of your challenges as your own custom fit emuna gym, a very
exclusive place designed for your perfection. When a person receives such
an amazingly thoughtful gift all you can do is say toda raba! So go ahead
and give a big shout out to Hashem for being so thoughtful! <o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">My holy friend, please don’t give up! Recognize
the yetzer hara for what it is, a deceiver designed to disconnect you from the
source of everything. Use your clarity to fight back and don’t be dainty, throw
down some moves!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;">I’ve always thought that good manners are
underrated, so say thank you to your guest and then wish the good traveler a
safe long journey to somewhere else. As it turns out you have to invite a new
room mate in and 3’s a crowd.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: Euphemia;">Rivkah Naomi Green<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia;">The quintessential
wandering Jew, Rivkah Naomi has been on the road for years. She’s lived in
beautiful <st1:city w:st="on">Cape Town</st1:city>, <st1:country-region w:st="on">South
Africa</st1:country-region> and in a variety of lovely places in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">USA</st1:place></st1:country-region> making
friends from the West to East Coast. Her yearning search for a home has brought
her to, what we all hope, is the final destination, <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Israel</st1:place></st1:country-region>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Euphemia;">Her friends keep her
around because she is known to arrive with red wine, laughs and straight talk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Euphemia; mso-bidi-language: HE; mso-fareast-font-family: Batang;"><br /></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10656691706918262614noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-59503461272177030182014-06-01T15:59:00.000+03:002014-06-01T16:11:09.710+03:00Dayeinu<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyone who has been to a Passover seder is familiar with Dayeinu. What does this have to do with the holiday of Shavuot? Here is a post I wrote for <a href="http://www.emunadate.net/2014/06/shavuot-crossing-finish-line.html">EmunaDate</a> about Shavuot, reprinted below. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After 38 consecutive days of successfully remembering to count the Omer, I dropped the ball. I didn't just drop the ball, I punctured a hole in it - two nights in a row I forgot to count. I had prided myself for disconnecting from my cellphone - two whole days away from it! What I neglected to take into account is that it also meant two days away from my alarm reminding me to count. Dejected, I decided to put the whole omer counting thing behind me, and just wait for its climax, Shavuot. After a day or two, something started to gnaw at me - was it really appropriate to just give up? If we spend seven weeks counting up to the holiday, was there still something I could gain from continuing to count, even if it didn't 'count' anymore?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Shavuot means 'weeks', which would seem to imply that on this day we are celebrating the previous seven week count-up - Sefiat HaOmer. During this period the Jews in the Midbar were trying to break free from their slave mentality of the Egyptian Exile. For 49 days they worked on themselves in order to be able to receive the Torah, the wisdom within it, and really become Am Yisrael. As you'll recall from everyone's favorite Pesach Seder song, Dayeinu, it ends with "If He had brought us to Mount Sinai without giving us the Torah, it would have been enough." Every year I'm left skeptical and slightly cynical - after all the work the Jews put in to being able to receive the Torah, it would have been cool if it never happened? In addition, Rav Dessler says that receiving the Torah was not merely a one-time event. Rather, every generation receives the Torah anew. In fact, every person every hour is capable of experiencing their own Mattan Torah. I wasn't sure how to reconcile these two ideas.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />Every time we put in the tiniest amount of effort to break free of these habits, we are improving ourselves just as the Jews in the desert were. Whether it's refraining from speaking gossip, passing on that extra cookie, or refraining from lighting a cigarette, we are reminding ourselves that we are in control. It is through these actions that we assert our freedom and our ability to do what is right, even if it's hard.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />I finally felt like I understand what it all means. It wasn't the receiving of the Torah that was the main event, it was the effort put into being fit for receiving it. It's about the effort we put into ourselves, not just during the <a href="http://www.emunadate.net/2014/05/love-your-neighbor-as-yourself.html">Sefirat HaOmer</a>, but every day of the year. The little changes in our behavior slowly add up, until before we know it we quit smoking, lost 10 lbs, or broke free of whatever vice we were enslaved to. Now, as a non-smoker, we are different people, and as a different person we are able to appreciate the Torah in a different way - to see insights we skipped over before and to otherwise appreciate the same words with a new set of eyes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I started to think about what it means to work on yourself in order to be fit to receive the Torah. Shavuot isn't given a specific date as other holidays are. It is simply referred to as '50 days after Pesach', further implying that these intermediary days are significant. What is it that the Jews were working on during this period? We've already said that it was to be comfortable with the idea that they were a free people, but anything that has occurred in the Torah is applicable to us today, so I started to think about what that means in modern terms. There are a million ways this could be interpreted, but I like to think it means a remembrance that we aren't slaves to our bad habits and addictions - the things we think control our lives. </span><br />
<br style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With this in mind, I resumed my count. It's not about the fact that I dropped the ball, it's about having the strength and determination to pick it back up, to keep running until I cross the finish line, even when I know that I'm out of the running (or mixing metaphors). Shavuot is about celebrating the clarity that comes when you know that you're free. With this realization, I finally got that line from Dayeinu - with this freedom it would have been enough. We didn't have to receive the Torah because we accomplished what we needed to, But that fact that we did, well I think that calls for a celebration.</span></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-74214260326568923622014-04-27T16:08:00.000+03:002014-04-27T16:08:32.368+03:00If It Ain't Broke, You Can't Get Something Better<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Now, I'm not a sentimental person by any means, but when my electric burner broke, I was really bummed. Not just because it was my main source of heating food, but it was from a good friend. Yonit had stayed with me last summer. She was one of my favorite people in D.C., and having her here with me in my new home, right after moving here was really important for me. It helped with the transition from life in the 'Old Country' to this beautiful, crazy new land. As a proud anti-hoarder, I don't have so many things associated with people or places, so the burner served two functions: making scrambled eggs and reminding me of my friends back 'home'. Friends who still think about me. It's a reminder I still exist there. It's important when existence here is so ... existential.<br />
<br />
After having already used the burner to fry up some eggs for breakfast, I set about turning some overripe peaches into compote. I turned the dial and waited for the light to turn on. About three days after I received my present, all markings about on/off high/low had mysteriously vanished, resulting in an often haphazard heating system. My default was to always turn the dial to the highest setting and hope the food cooked before it burned. This time, nothing happened. I tried alternating between the extremes on both ends, but no matter what, the light wouldn't go on and the burner wouldn't get warm. On the one hand, I was mad. I had all these skinned peaches turning brown - how dare this contraption dare to thwart my compoting! On the other hand, I was relieved this happened today, and not two days ago when I was cooking for 8 people on Pesach.<br />
<br />
I soon settled on a third emotion - excitement. Since this thing was broken, I was going to smash it. I will admit, I enjoy a good demolition derby or other excuse for things to crash, smash, and otherwise needlessly break. I know it doesn't fit in with my persona as a conservationist, but nobody's perfect. I gleefully shared my plan with some friends in my home later that evening. One asked if she could be there for the smashing, the other looked at me concerned and asked if he could at least try to fix it. I was embarrassed I hadn't even considered that as an option, and bashfully brought out my toolbox.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, it couldn't be fixed.<br />
<br />
The next morning, determined to eat something hot, I relented and boiled some eggs in the kumkum. This was depressing. Here I am - 31 and too broke to buy a new stovetop. Cooking eggs in a hotpot. I felt like Milhouse's dad from the Simpsons, who has to result to pathetically thawing hotdogs in a gas station bathroom for sustenance. I decided to take my pity party to the internet and posted on the Jerusalem offer/wanted listserv my sad state. I had previously requested objects here with varying degrees of success: two folding chairs but no needed folding table, free fleishig silverware, but no interest in my bags of women's clothing.<br />
<br />
Thirteen minutes later I had an offer in my inbox - a woman from Beitar with a double burner, just sitting in her closet. The only catch was I had to get it in the next three days. I was overjoyed. For 24 shekels in bus fare I was going to get a new - better - stovetop, worth ten times as much.<br />
<br />
After a brief adventure to the Gush to retrieve my new present, I gingerly put it on my counter and began to inspect it. It was practically brand new and would make cooking for Shabbat much faster. I couldn't believe my luck. I slowly started to realize that the new stovetop was smiling at me, and I began to smile back. Sure, you can say humans are just narcissistic and see faces in everything, but this was more than that. This smile was my frown from three days ago turned upside down. I had wanted that original stovetop. It worked fine, I had it for a while, and it came with fond memories. I was angry when it let me down by breaking, so much that I wanted to break <i>it</i> (side note, I regained my senses and left it intact next to the dumpster). If you had told me that in its place I would get something better, I probably would have handled my emotions better - but we don't have the benefit of hindsight during events. I felt a little foolish, but ultimately grateful for the whole experience. How often in such a short period of time do we get such a mussar lesson: sometimes, we need things to 'break' or otherwise leave us in order to make room for something bigger and better. At the time it's painful and upsetting and we want to cling to it, or lash out at it, to no avail. It's only if we can let go with grace that our hands can be open to receive something else. Whether it's a job, a relationship, or a kitchen appliance, the end of what we have can be the beginning of something better.<br />
<br />
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make scrambled AND hard boiled eggs at the same time.<br />
<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-89422957517386023792014-01-27T13:22:00.000+02:002014-01-27T13:22:05.886+02:00Parshat Mishpatim: Why We Trust Strangers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
While it's already two days after Shabbat, there is an idea that the energy of the parsha stays with us through Tuesday, so I hope you will still find the following idea timely.<br />
<br />
I am a <i>chozeret b'teshuva</i> - which means I grew up secular and became observant. My parents, whom I love very much, do not share my lifestyle, which is totally cool. My mom is very happy that I'm happy, <i>B"H</i>, but admits she finds going to strangers' homes for Shabbat 'weird'. "You don't know them and you're going to sleep in their homes?! More importantly, why are they letting YOU into their homes?!" I would like to point out she allows me to sleep in her home, so I doubt her concerns are personal.<br />
<br />
I could never really explain to her why religious Jews all over open their tables and homes to 'strangers' every week for Shabbat. I tried to explain to her that there is this understanding, we all do Shabbat, so what is there to worry about?<br />
<br />
I think I finally found the source for this unspoken agreement in Parshat Mishpatim. The parsha mostly covers civil law: the things you need for society to function. All the way at the end, there is half a sentence that states, "Six days you will work and do your deeds, and on the 7th day you will Shabbat" (Shemot 23:12) (this is also my source for using to Shabbos as a verb!). Here we find the source for why Jews trust other Jews who also observe Shabbat.<br />
<br />
How can we trust that the society will function the way G-d tells us? Sure, back in the day we had the Beit Din to execute punishments as they are prescribed in the Torah, and nowadays we have the police and courts to enforce each society's laws - but why should we care about these rules in the first place? Because, as Jews, we believe that the rules G-d gives us are important. By observing Shabbat, there is an implication that we not only follow the mitzvot of <i>shamor</i> and <i>zachor</i> but all of the commandments - including the ones that allow people to invite other Jews into their homes without worry that they will be gored by a bloodthirsty ox (or their silver candlesticks will be taken).</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-47696136527172294382014-01-01T23:40:00.000+02:002014-01-01T23:40:10.554+02:00Shevat: Be the Bucket<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
There has been a lot of fuss over the past couple of days. From the news to my facebook, I just can't get away from the big change. No - not the new calendar year! The new Jewish month, which starts Wednesday night (Jan 1) - Rosh Chodesh Shevat.<br />
<br />
The zodiac symbol in Judaism is a bucket, while for the rest of the world it's water. This is one of only two months in the whole calendar where the symbols aren't exactly the same, so we definitely have something to learn from this. Water represents material things in Torah. It's definitely important to have stuff! As our Sages say in <i><a href="http://www.aish.com/jl/heb/s/Learn_Hebrew_Pirkei_Avot.html">Pirkei Avot</a></i> אין קמח אין תורה which basically means you can't learn Torah if you don't even have what to eat. But, what good is the water without a bucket? How are you going to bring it from the well to the kitchen to cook? Or to water your plants? Or even to drink from?<br />
<br />
In addition, it's not enough to just have a bucket, but it must be sound. The bucket is really just a vessel, or <i>kli</i> כלי. In Judaism, the kli is us. Each one of us are a vessel, and we must be sound, fit to be able to hold whatever goodness G-d pours into us.<br />
<br />
While the secular world is focused on the water, the <i>gashmiut </i>גשמיות (related to the word for rain <i>geshem </i>גשם), we can't forget how important it is to have a sound vessel. A colander is not going to be an efficient vessel for transporting that water. This month, make an effort to not get wrapped up in the material trappings of the world. They are definitely important, but without the work we put into ourselves to be better people, the other stuff is worthless.<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-11669387053162822812013-12-22T21:39:00.000+02:002013-12-22T21:39:44.088+02:00Sexless and the Holy City: Procrastinate your way to success!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
This past Chanukkah, I was sitting around making homemade menorahs with some of my friends and we were talking about emotions. Not in the way you would perhaps imagine: a scene of the Golden Girls at their kitchen table, around a cheesecake. Sharing memories, laughs and tears. No, we were talking about how hard it can be to allow ourselves to be comfortable with our emotions. I thought if so many of my girl friends have this roadblock, what's going on with the guys?<br />
<br />
A quick survey of a handful of my guy friends confirmed what I was thinking: they have no problem feeling their emotions. If anything, many of them had a hard time getting out of them, they were so comfortable in their feeling. Meanwhile, I work at keeping myself either happy or mildly annoyed. Sometimes when I drive or cycle, a third emotion, road rage, will emerge. But I'm alway working to get back to happy. I'm just uncomfortable feeling anything else. <br />
<br />
Then, I came across an <a href="http://www.fastcompany.com/3022958/the-art-of-letting-go-how-i-learned-to-stop-procrastinating?utm_source=facebook">article on procrastination</a>. I have always been motivated by deadlines, aspiring to be one of those people who lives by, "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today." But, other than occasional bursts of productivity here and there, I tend to be motivated by: this has to be done <i>now.</i><br />
<br />
Or at least I used to be.<br />
<br />
The author describes the main force behind why we procrastinate: because we are uncomfortable. The project we need to do is hard or we're scared we can't do it well, so we avoid thinking about it, seeing what's new on facebook or talking on the phone, until we're so stressed by the deadline that we don't have time to doubt ourselves. Panic overcomes all other emotions. I realized my discomfort with being uncomfortable wasn't only a dating liability, but a professional one too. I stopped what I was doing, walked over to the mirror and looked myself in the face: I hadn't left everything that was familiar and comfortable to made aliyah because I was scared of discomfort! What was I doing to myself? I was so caught up in my realization that I didn't notice my roommate standing next to me and asking me why I was talking to myself - now <i>that</i> was uncomfortable. I just smiled and went back to work.<br />
<br />
And that's the strategy I've maintained over the past few weeks. When unproductive behavior starts knocking at the door I recognize what is happening, look for the emotion that I'm trying to avoid. Spend some time with it until everyone is comfortable, smile to myself, and resume work. I won't say that it's been easy, or that I haven't fallen off the wagon a few times since then. But the more I do it, the easier it becomes. I've gotten to know myself better, had more deep, meaningful conversations with friends, and my to-do list is shorter than ever. When it comes to life, whether it's with relationships or our professional life, the only thing to really be afraid of is the idea that we never really tried. That's an idea worth being uncomfortable with.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-43246810767067724852013-12-16T22:48:00.000+02:002013-12-16T22:48:33.148+02:00The Best Things Happen When You Don't Get What You Want<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I'm a big Rolling Stones fan. One of my favorite songs by them is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7S94ohyErSw">You Can't Always Get What You Want</a>. Despite the actual morbid words of the song the refrain is so true - sometimes you might find, you get what you need. This might seem like hopeful fluff, but I see it time and again in life. The following is the most recent example.<br />
<br />
One of my good friends got married yesterday in the US. She <i>really</i> wanted to get married in Israel, where here and her chatan live, but for various reasons, it had to happen in the US. As anyone who has been on the internet probably knows, Jerusalem has suffered through an unprecedented snow storm. Who knows what would have been if she had actually gotten married today in Jerusalem as she had so hoped for.<br />
<br />
So the next time something you really want doesn't pan out, rather than being disappointed or frustrated, I think the best thing to do is just sit back and smile, because something even better is coming your way!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-48266640430969112792013-12-04T17:46:00.000+02:002013-12-04T17:46:46.372+02:00Miracles: Seen and unseen.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Tonight is the last night of Hanukkah. In Judaism, the closer you get to the end of the holiday, the more special the time is, so there is a lot of powerful energy available for us tonight. Here is something short to think about as you light your candles.<br />
<br />
In my opinion, the big miracle of Hanukkah is the fact that there was that one jug of oil waiting for the Maccabees after they beat the powerful Greek army. You know the Greeks tried their best to treif up all of the oil, so that the Jews would be left with nothing. Unlike the Roman destruction of the Beit Hamikdash, the Greeks weren't interested in destroying the building, but the soul of the Jewish people. Symbolically to them, this meant extinguishing the light of the ever-burning Menorah.<br />
<br />
But guess whose plans were thwarted.<br />
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<a href="http://curlsofwisdomjerusalem.blogspot.co.il/2013/11/chanukkah-stop-holding-yourself-back.html">As we know</a>, there was one jug of oil that remain untouched, and fit for use to rekindle the light.<br />
G-d hid that jar one from them, and set it aside for us. Who knows what else G-d has hidden away, set aside for us when we need it the most.<br />
<br />
We are at the beginning of winter - months of cold darkness. We need to take this thought with us, to light the way. G-d is always working miracles for us. We might not see them - but when we least expect it, and need it the most, it will be there before our eyes.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-5359232776914465242013-12-02T13:27:00.001+02:002013-12-02T13:27:32.646+02:00Sexless and the Holy City: Wash, Rinse, Repeat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I was up late rehashing a relationship (with a guy we'll call Mr. Silicon Valley) that just ended with my platonic life partner over What's App (welcome to the future), when he finally just cut me off, "He's not that into you!! Delete his number, delete his texts, delete his emails and MOVE ON!" I knew he was right. And if the guy really wanted to, <i>he</i> still knew how to get in touch with me. As someone who enjoys uncluttering her life, this felt good. I was able to fall asleep pretty easily after that.<br />
<br />
When I woke up the next morning, it was a different story. I still had something gnawing at me. I'm not the type to pine over a guy who isn't into me, B"H. Usually I can confidently chalk it up as: their loss, moving on. But there was something different about this situation. I tried to think - what was the thing that was bothering me the most about the way everything had unfolded? It struck me - I had gone out with a different guy a few days ago who was really great, but very shy. I was the one carrying the conversation. During the date, I laughed to myself at how the tables had turned. Mr. Silicon Valley was always giving me a hard time about being too shy and withdrawn. I felt like G-d put me <i>davka</i> in that situation to recognize how silly my behavior with Mr. Silicon Valley had been, and to learn not to act like that again.<br />
<br />
If Mr. Silicon Valley had been the first one to comment on this behavior, I could chalk it up as lesson learned and move on. But I realized, he was the third guy I had gone out with since January that I really liked, and he was also the third guy to tell me that he felt like I was being too shy and difficult to read, and therefore not want to continue things. That was the source of the discomfort I was feeling.<br />
<br />
It's one thing to make a mistake once. It's another thing to make a mistake twice. But my heart sunk when I realized I did the same thing three times, over the period of almost a year. That's plenty of time to conduct a lessons learned and implement changes (as a former project manager, I always think in these kind of terms). I kept trying to remind myself that I did show that I had changed my behavior with this last date, but it wasn't enough to deflate the disappointment I felt growing in my chest, along with a determination to not keep making the same mistakes. I recognized a familiar cycle brewing:<br />
<br />
1. Fail at something spectacularly<br />
2. Resolve to change and never do that thing again!<br />
3. Put too much pressure on myself, and inevitably fail<br />
<br />
Wash, rinse, repeat!<br />
<br />
This behavior isn't unique to me, by any means. The fact is, I can't think of one person I've met here in Israel who isn't a little hard on themselves. In order to make it here you have to be driven. The harder you are on yourself, the easier it becomes to fail, because when you put anything under too much pressure, it's bound to explode.<br />
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Fortunately for me, I'm incorrigible (and I bet you are too). You don't get to fail so many times unless you have the ability to constantly pick yourself up and believe in your ability to do better next time. Even if you don't enjoy the constant picking yourself up and dusting off before trying again, know that each time you get up, and can recognize what it was that you did before that was problematic, the more likely you are to not make that mistake next time. Who learns how to ride a bike the first time out? Who graduates college without failing a few tests? Who finds happiness in love without having their heart broken first? Not too many people. So, don't be so hard on yourself (I'm definitely speaking to myself here). If we focus on being grateful for every subsequent opportunity we have to correct these mistakes, to conduct ourselves in the way we really hope to, then the easier it is to align our behavior with our desired outcome.<br />
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Not that it will be easy, no matter what it is we are trying to correct. Growth usually only comes through hard work. Ultimately, slowly but surely we'll build the muscles we need to change our behavior. All we need in the meantime is to believe in our ability to do better and wait for the next opportunity to try. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-30700912587392239992013-11-27T23:59:00.002+02:002013-11-27T23:59:21.304+02:00Chanukkah: Stop holding yourself back<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hanukkah is the season of outward miracles. Those miracles (the oil lasting 7 days longer than it was supposed to and us winning the military fight against the Greeks) happened because we did something. This is known in Yeshivish as <i>hishtadlut</i>, meaning G-d helped us out because we put in some effort.<br />
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Life doesn't happen waiting for things to happen. That's how life passes you by. Existence is constantly being recreated. That means every moment is a new opportunity to do the things you've wanted to do, but for whatever reason were holding yourself back. We are ultimately the only ones who are responsible for succeeding or failing in life.<br />
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Every holiday on the Jewish calendar happens when it does because the space/time situation then has certain power, greater potential than normal. The Maccabees couldn't wait to return to serving G-d in the Beit Hamikdash. They had to start as soon as they won, and ran to the Temple. Technically, they shouldn't have lit the Menorah - it's not supposed to be lit if there isn't a continuous source of fuel, and it takes 8 days to produce the oil that can be used in the Temple. However, their desire was so pure and holy, that G-d made the oil of the Menorah last for 8 days. They took one step, and G-d did the rest.<br />
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We can all take advantage of this power, this is a gift being presented to us every year at this time. Over the next 8 days, every time you want to fall into whatever bad habit you are trying to break, if you can take the smallest step to move away from that habit, you will be amazed to see what you are actually capable of accomplishing.<br />
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I know you can do it, G-d knows you can do it. All that's missing is for you to know - and to do.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-20226608216690493202013-11-27T11:41:00.000+02:002013-11-27T11:41:50.177+02:00Chanukah: You don't actually have to gain weight<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Did you know you could shred any starchy vegetable to make latkes? It's a good thing my granma is nifter (actually I feel horrible writing that, but you know what I mean), because she would not know what to do with the colorful latkes that come out of kitchens nowadays. When I was growing up, if the latkes were any color other than brown, you obviously did something wrong. I'm not a fan of using <i>potata</i> or sweet potatoes, as they are known here for latkes. They end up too mushy. But zucchini and carrorts are great add-ins. The color of the zucchini always makes me feel like I'm eating something healthy, and not just fried in enough oil to light my menorah for the next 8 days.<br />
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3 cups shredded kishu'im (zucchini)<br />
3 eggs<br />
1 package of that stuff that's not quite sour cream but not cream cheese<br />
2 heaping cups of flour of your choice<br />
a few shakes of baking poweder<br />
a few more shakes of baking soda<br />
about 1/8 c. xanthan gum (for fluffiness)<br />
1/3 c. olive oil (canola also works)<br />
big handful of walnuts (optional)<br />
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Ok, I am going to be honest. This isn't going to taste like 'cake' - as you may have notices, there is abosolutely no sugar up in here. None. But you know what - it's only 150 calories per serving, 9 grams of fat, plus lots of protein, fiber, and vitamins (especially if you use a mixture of white flour and spelt like I did).<br />
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Giant baked latke (aka Chanukkah Quiche)<br />
3 eggs<br />
1 cup flour<br />
2 large shredded carrots<br />
1 large onion<br />
2-3 kishu'im (zucchini)<br />
seasoning<br />
<br />
shred the veggies in a bowl together. Mix together eggs and seasoning and add to the mix. Then fold in flour. Use non-stick spray to coat the pan. Bake at 225C for an hour. I would have sauteed the onions a little first next time I make this to bring out the flavor a little more. Live and learn<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-55162957747548897392013-11-24T15:54:00.003+02:002013-12-11T12:44:59.084+02:00Sexless and the Holy City<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It was Thursday evening, the end the work week here in Israel. Most of the people in my office had already left for the day, and the lights were turned off in the stairwell. As I was slowly inching my way down trying to get my bearing at every landing, I was struck by how this was so symbolic of my life right now - I can't see what's coming and I'm cautiously moving forward in order to not get hurt.</div>
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I finally reached the street, and began my walk home. All the things that had been bothering me, but I was able to ignore while busy working, started to fill my head. These things aren't unique for an olah chadasha - trying to figure out how I'm going to make ends meet while building connections at an unpaid internship. A guy I had been seeing, and growing to like, just informed me he was leaving the country for a while for work, and thought we should put things on hold. And to top it all off, my computer, which is the source of my income, just wouldn't stay on.</div>
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Rather than dwell on my problems, I decided to use the time spent walking to calm my thoughts. Any time anxious ideas crept into my head: How are you going to afford this new computer? Will your Hebrew ever be good enough to continue in your career in Israel? Am I ever going to meet the right guy? I would brush them aside, and instead focus on the sound of the cars rushing home. After a while, the intrusive thoughts seemed to have given up, and I was able to appreciate how musical the traffic could be. The chimes of the light rail, the cacophonous car horns, the accelerating and breaking of the cars; it was actually quite relaxing.</div>
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I found myself in the middle of the suspension bridge in Jerusalem, looking out over the cars coming into and going out of the city. Not having to hurry home, I decided to stand there and just watch the river of vehicles flow by. After a few more minutes of just being and not thinking, an idea popped into my head. One of my dear friends here had been struggling recently with making G-d's will her will. She was also worrying about how she was going to support herself after making aliyah, and being in her 40s, if she was ever going to have kids of her own. She had been going through her own rough couple of weeks, but one day I noticed a change in her attitude. I had to ask, what happened? "I threw up my hands and said 'Hashem, Your will is my will.' I figured that if I gave up holding on to what I want my life to be, and just accept it for what it is, I'll be a lot happier. And I am!"</div>
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I whispered into the night, "Hashem, I don't know why you decided to send this guy away when I felt like things were getting promising, or why it was necessary for my computer to break. All I know is that I trust you, and there is no point trying to fight what happens in life." I stuttered as I tried to say the next words, and as I let go of the last remnants of my stubbornness, I shed a few tears, "I want my will to be Your will. I do. Instead of fighting against the tide, I'm going to just go with the flow." I stood there for a few more minutes until I had regained my composure, and resumed my walk home.</div>
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As I was coming down the other side of the bridge, I noticed an outline of an older woman ahead of me, unsteadily trying to make her way to the next light-rail stop. I asked her in the best Hebrew I could muster if she wanted help. The look of joy on her face completely melted any other feelings I had been dwelling on. As we slowly made our way, she talked to me excitedly in Hebrew and French. It was hard for me to understand it all, but we managed to exchange some small talk, and even some bits of Torah. We eventually made it to the station, and I told her that I would wait with her until the train comes. She gave me many blessings for good things in life, and pinched my cheeks as she said the man who gets to marry me is very fortunate. Then the train doors closed and she was gone.</div>
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It took me a moment to appreciate what had just happened. I found my demeanour had changed - gone were the feelings of despair, which had been replaced with warmth and even a self-impressed smile that I was able to follow her heavily accented Hebrew. Once again, I was on my way home. I didn't feel so helpless and adrift anymore: whether it's with dating, work, or even my computer staying on, I can relax, because Hashem is in control. And when you just relax and go with the flow, you never know what might float by.</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-87152143494759244732013-11-07T11:24:00.004+02:002013-11-07T11:24:53.306+02:00G-d's Free Pass on Life's Tests<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Shayna Chana Hulkower<br />
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I was recently catching up with an old friend over some delicious instant coffee at a local cafe (only in Israel), with a close friend. There was a pause in the conversation, she took a deep breath, and shared with me some problems she was having with her parents. Like many Jews who were raised one way, and then decided to become more observant, her parents were giving her a very hard time about her new lifestyle. She was distraught that her once close, loving relationship with her family was devolving into something you would expect to see on Jerry Springer. "Why does it have to be this way?" she asked out loud.<br />
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There are two types of uncomfortable situations in life: the ones we put ourselves in and the ones G-d puts us in. Rav Shlomo Wolbe says when we act less than tzaddik-like, we can find ourselves in situations where we are forced to make an uncomfortable decision. For example, rather than being honest and ending a relationship you know has no potential with someone after a few dates, you stick around for whatever reason (unsolicited advice side note - this is why being shomer negia is always a good idea!), and after being with that person for much longer, you still realize you don't want to marry them, and are forced to break up with them after they have invested so much time and energy into you and the relationship. These types of situations are easier to rationalize, because as long as you are honest with yourself, you will know how you got there.<br />
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Then there are the instances where you really have no idea why or how you are put in a situation. I'm not talking about things like <a href="http://www.tabletmag.com/scroll/151711/a-kiddush-hashem-goes-viral?utm_source=tabletmagazinelist&utm_campaign=6906069646-11_6_2013&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c308bf8edb-6906069646-206526177">having a stranger fall asleep on you on the subway</a> and deciding whether to push them off or let them shluff. I mean the really big things in life: a loved one getting sick, a parent who treats you in a hurtful way, a terrorizing boss. Unfortunately, almost everyone will find themselves in a situation where they say to themselves, "What on earth did I do to deserve this?!"<br />
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The answer is - you didn't.<br />
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All of us are here because there is something we didn't get right in a previous life. We can't ever really know what our <i>tikkun</i> is in this world, but chances are, if we are in a painful or upsetting situation, it is probably on purpose, and therefore, by doing the right thing, we are bringing ourselves closer to accomplishing our purpose in life. This may be cold comfort when in the middle of a painful experience, but if we can keep this idea in mind, it should help us to navigate through rough waters.<br />
There are a number of explanations as to why we are put in uncomfortable situations: Rav Dessler explains in Michtav MeEliyahu that for most people, many of the <i>lo tiseh</i> - 'don't do' mitzvot aren't really such a challenge. That is, how many of us are really going to commit murder if given the opportunity. However, there are many more that we have real free will as to whether or not we'll actually commit. For example, you are buying an item at a store and the cashier accidentally gives you an extra $20 too much back - for many people there is a real temptation to keep the money, especially when you are short on cash. The main purpose of being in <i>Olam Hazeh</i> (this world), is that we are supposed to get through challenges in life, in order that we feel like we earned an awesome experience in the after-life. So right away, we can see that challenges, big and small, are part and parcel for life.<br />
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The Ramban says that there are only tests in our lives when there is a <i>suffeik</i> (doubt) - that is, the person has total free will to choose right or wrong. He goes on to say that G-d only tests <i>tzaddikim</i> (holy people) when He knows they will succeed, and is only doing it because He wants to give the holy person more <i>zchar</i> (merit). Why should G-d give out free mitzvah points? Isn't the whole point of this world to work hard and earn <i>Olam Haba</i>? The fact is, that if someone has the potential to do the right thing, how can they ever benefit from that unless they are put in a situation to actually test it? This is an important insight to keep in mind. We <b>have</b> to be given experiences to live up to our potential. If G-d puts you in a really unpleasant situation, keep in mind that it's because He knows you can succeed. It's up to us to get ourselves across the finish line.<br />
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Knowing that the Creator of the Universe believes in our capacity to do the right thing, well, that should help to boost our confidence at least a little bit. Sure, it might not take the sting out of the situation, but it should at least help us to get through it with grace and dignity. And maybe make it a little easier to behave properly the next time someone falls asleep on us on the bus.<br />
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-25320683249818377062013-10-10T23:51:00.002+03:002013-10-11T00:20:57.661+03:00G-d Knows You're Insecure, and It's Cool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Shayna Chana Hulkower<br />
<br />
Lech Lecha is one of my favorite Torah portions. There are so many geshmak (Yiddish for enjoyable) things we can talk about that are meaningful to our everyday lives, but I will settle for two short ideas.<br />
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We learn from Avraham this week that it's a Jew's natural disposition to be slightly neurotic. Let me explain: G-d has to reassure Avraham <i>twice</i> that he will have kids. First He says that He will have so many offspring they won't be able to be counted (13:14). But Avram (before he becomes Avraham, lehavdil, it's seems sort of like before a super hero gets his powers and their alternate identity), is still insecure and doesn't believe he's really going to have kids. I don't blame him, he's almost 100 years old at this point. We get stuck in ruts, to the extent that even when the <i>Creator of the Universe </i>tells you it's going to end, it can be hard to break a mind set. G-d has to literally say to Avram 'Al tireh Avram' (15:1) - 'Don't be afraid'. If you will allow me the poetic license, He's saying, 'Chill, it'll be cool, promise.' Everyone needs extra reassurance now and then. If G-d can reassure Avram and not be snarky, then we certainly have the potential to be a little nicer to each other when a friend, family member, or coworker is freaking out over something we think is trivial. Know that you can be Godly just by being patient and nice. You don't get stressed out, they get the reassurance they need, everyone wins.<br />
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The second idea was told to me by my brother, in the name of Rabbi Wolf of Aish HaTorah. I was complaining to him a while back about someone that I had to deal with on a regular basis and just frustrated the heck out of me. I wanted so much to let go of my feelings of dislike towards her, but she was just this magic combination of impatient, flighty, and insecure, and I could tell I wasn't the only one not amused by her behavior. It was so hard to get anything done with her, and often it created more work for me. However, I wanted nothing more than to put my feelings aside and learn to like her. It was quite the challenge.<br />
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As I was explaining (complaining) to my brother my conflicted feelings, and he stopped me in mid-sentence to get my Chumash. He fervently flipped through the pages until he found the passage he was looking for (it was quite cinematic). He pointed me to the part in the text where Avraham and Lot separate (13:9) and Avraham says: 'Please separate from me; if you go left, I will go right, and if you go right I will go left.' Avraham was the first guy to break into kiruv - trying to turn people on to monotheism and generally being decent human beings, so you know he had a ton of patience. But no matter what he tried, Lot still wasn't getting it. It was probably made all the more frustrating by the fact that they were related. So finally, he gave up. He said you go one way, I'll go another, and we don't have to be aggravated by each other anymore. My brother reassured me (how Godly of him!) that we don't have to get along with everyone. If Avraham Aveinu can get to the point where he says, 'I tried my best to make it work, we'll both be happier if we just move on,' then <i>kal vchomer</i> - all the more so for the rest of us. Move on (and away) from the person as best you can. Sometimes the square peg isn't going to fit in the round hole, and that's ok.<br />
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Shabbat shalom!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-49479099896302942522013-10-07T21:48:00.000+03:002013-10-07T21:48:09.547+03:00Rav Ovadia's Greatness Is Still With Us<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Shayna Chana Hulkower<br />
<br />
I had a chance to see <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ovadia_Yosef">Rav Ovadia</a> and I never took advantage of it. And now, it's too late.<br />
<br />
I'll admit, for an Ashkenazi <i>baales teshuva</i> from Long Island, my fascination with Rav Ovadia was rather unexpected for most people. At first, I thought he was cool for purely superficial reasons: the gold-trimmed robe and turban, the sunglasses at all times of the day and night (and even indoors). I could tell that Michael Jackson stole his look from the Rav. As I learned more and more about him, and his teachings, I was really impressed. Regardless of how things he said were portrayed in the media (and usually taken out of context to be inflammatory), he was truly a genius when it came to halacha. Rabbis from around the world would come to him with their impossible to answer questions. He was well-known for ruling on issues in ways different from most other Rabbis. For example - while riding a bicycle on Shabbat is generally not allowed, the typical reason given is the same one as for why we don't play instruments on Shabbat - because it might break, and we will fix it, and THAT is an <i>aveira</i>. Rav Ovadia ruled differently - he said that on Shabbat we are supposed to conduct ourselves differently than we do during the week. So, if most of the world rides their bike during the week (whether for commuting or exercise), then it's only right to <i>davka</i> not ride a bike on Shabbat, because your manner of travel should be different.<br />
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In fact, he has many famous rulings, such as: finding a way for women whose husbands were killed but missing in the Yom Kippur war to remarry without finding their bodies; and was well known for being lenient to ensure as many Jews were keeping the mitzvot properly as possible. He quoted Rabbi Yosef Karo, the writer of the Shulchan Aruch, who said that we should not be more stringent than necessary when keeping laws, because then we are adding to the Torah given to us by Moshe at Har Sinai, which is an aveira.<br />
<br />
When I first came to Israel I lived in Har Nof. One of my favorite parts of living there, is every day on my way to school, I would walk past Rav Ovadia's house. There was a shorter route, but I felt that there was something special walking past the tzaddik's home on HaKablan. Almost every morning I would tell myself, next week I should wake up a little earlier, and daven at the shul below his home. Anyone could go, and from what friends of mine who had davened there told me, there was always space on the women's side, and maybe I could get a bracha from the holy Rav. I'm sure you can see where this story is going: despite living in Har Nof for 7 months, I never made it to his shul. Once I moved to Nachlaot, I would sometimes float the idea of going super early for shul, but mostly I was regretting not going when it was easier.<br />
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And here we are today - when the option to go has been taken away from me. The only person who is to blame is myself. How often do we put things off until tomorrow that we could really do today? Whether it's saving money, going to bed earlier, starting a diet, whatever - when we're actually in a situation to make the choice that will set us on the path to success, we postpone it until tomorrow. The problem is that when tomorrow comes, how often do we wish we had done it yesterday?<br />
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I'll never have another chance to be in the same room as HaMaran Ovadia, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from this mistake. The next time I have the opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and actually <i>start</i> doing the thing I really want to put off I won't. There is an idea that when a tzaddik dies, the middot that person excelled at are released into the world, and available for you and me to grab on to and incorporate into ourselves. If there is one thing that can be said about Rav Ovadia, he was prolific. I'm sure that some of his productive energy is there, and waiting for me to <i>chop</i> it. Let's keep the things that made him great with us. A tzaddik never dies as long as we keep being motivated by his greatness. Even though I can never see him again, I can keep his greatness with me at all times. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-45395577247377886892013-09-29T23:42:00.002+03:002013-09-29T23:42:42.635+03:00How to be a tzaddik in 2 weeks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Shayna Chana Hulkower<br />
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The chaggim are over. Ben Gurion airport will resemble the exodus from Egypt for the next few days as chutznikim are going back to their world. There will be a little less English on the streets of Jerusalem, and this signs advertising 'second day minayn!' are being taken down. There is one lesson I learned from my American friends that I don't want to leave me so quickly.<br />
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From the end of Elul, when people started arriving for the 'Holiday Season', I was being overwhelmed with invitations to do every fun thing Israel has to offer. I demured on most of them, reminding my friends that while they are here on vacation, I am still in regular-life mode with work and other obligations. Over the next few weeks I was so impressed with how much ground they were covering during their stay. One friend living in Baka was going to the Kotel mamash every day. She told me she realized her trip would last 40 days, a number some have said to be a segula for visiting the Kotel, and so she saw it as an opportunity to have a little extra koach in her tefillot. Meanwhile, I live a 30 min walk away and don't get there more than once a week or so. Their schedules were making me tired just listening to them.<br />
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I was impressed with their stamina, but realized that they were just trying to make the most of their time in Eretz Yisrael. It's a special place, and as someone who used to visit here, I appreciate the desire to feel like you lived every moment here. The worst feeling is getting back to the US and thinking to yourself, "I had such an opportunity and squandered it."<br />
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If we are honest with ourselves, this is really what being in Olam HaZeh is about - we're figuratively traveling to this place and are expected to make the most of the time and opportunities we are given. When it's time to return from whence we came, we don't want to be left feeling like we could have done more. There is the most obvious push to stock up on mitzvot, since that is the main determining factor in where you sit in Olam HaBah - whether you are down on the 50 yard line or up in the bleacher seats. But there's more to it than that - it's how we made the most of the opportunities we're given to grow.<br />
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We just finished a season of deep introspection, finding within ourselves a profound desire to do better for ourselves this year (Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur), followed by recognition that G-d is the source of everything and faith that all His actions are good and good for us (Sukkot), ending with great joy and love for G-d and His Torah (Shimini Atzeret/Simchat Torah). Now we return to our every day life full of this growth and potential for the year. We don't have to fall back into our old habits. We can stick with the person we've become, and want to continue to grow into, and use that as the foundation to be even greater.<br />
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But it's not going to be easy, but I think I have an idea how to get us there.<br />
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No change in a purposeful new direction is ever easy. What's really hard is not changing. Allow me to explain with an example: having been in Israel for three months as an olah chadasha, I've been struggling to speak Hebrew. Part of the struggle comes from the fact that the community I've developed is predominantly English speaking. I've met people who have been here 1, 3, 5, 20 years even, and can't have a conversation in Hebrew. Yes, they can make it, but their lives are very difficult - not being able to give directions when a stranger asks on the street or figuring out what your electric bill means. These are the things that really make life here challenging - they close doors on job opportunities and friendships that make life here so gratifying. Trying to live a life not really part of the country you live in is much harder than spending 6 months breaking your teeth to have a conversation.<br />
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Currently, we are filled with a spiritual high from the chaggim, which we can use to power us for the entire year, or at the very least until Chanukah, when we get our next big spiritual infusion (not to discount Shabbat!). The question is, how to we maintain the level we are on, once we go back to our routine? The trick is to have a manageable goal in mind. When you are goal oriented you have a much better capacity to stay focused on what you need to do, and it's easier to get back on track when you most likely will fall off the wagon. Shlomo HaMelech wrote in Proverbs (Mishlei 24:16): A tzaddik falls seven times. If super righteous people can miss the mark and still be considered tzaddikim, it can only be because they still remember their goal and are able to get back on the horse, without throwing themselves a pity party in the interim.<br />
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Here is my suggestion: pick one thing that you felt very strongly during the Aseret Yamei Teshuva you wanted to change about yourself, and commit to working on that thing for the next two weeks. Why two weeks? A number of years ago, a couple from Aish HaTorah were moving to LA to do kiruv there. They went to Rabbi Berkovitz, who was the posek of the yeshiva at the time, and asked him for advice on moving their family to a place of a different spiritual caliber than Jerusalem. He told them to make all the decisions on how they will live their life in the first two weeks (where they want to send their kids to school, what level of kashrut they will keep, etc.). This was a period where their head and heart would still be immersed in life in Israel, and they would still have access to the clarity that life presents us with here, which is not unlike us coming down from the chaggim to regular life - no matter where we are in the world.<br />
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If we can think of the next two weeks as a limited period of time where we work towards maintaining the growth that we accomplished over the past month or so, then a couple things will happen: we'll be much more likely to stay on track because we have a goal that is completely attainable, and when the two weeks are up we're much more likely to have developed the habits that are necessary to continue with this new, improved way of life.<br />
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I'm looking forward to checking back in with you on October 15th to let you know how I did, as well as hear from you. And if you fall - just know that you are a tzaddik and can get right back up. We have a special power with us right now, just waiting to lend a helping hand to get you back on your feet, and back on your path to success.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.552388 34.89098649999999 31.984250000000003 35.536433499999994tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-48145384947345154022013-09-15T11:12:00.001+03:002013-09-15T11:17:46.587+03:00Don't forget - you're not you anymore<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Shayna Chana (Samantha) Hulkower<br />
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Something interesting happened to me this morning. During the <i><a href="http://www.chabad.org/search/keyword_cdo/kid/124/jewish/Ten-Days-of-Repentance.htm">Aseret Yemei Teshuva</a></i> I decided to take on and give up a few things, just to challenge myself a little. One of the things I gave up was coffee - partially because I didn't want to have to worry about a caffeine withdrawal headache on Yom Kippur, but also as someone who drinks a lot of coffee, it was important to me to know that I could go without this thing; that I wasn't addicted to it.<br />
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As you can imagine, I was very much looking forward to my first cup this morning, after Yom Kippur. I had bought some of the good stuff - turkish coffee - last night. I was going about my normal morning routine, which included, without thinking, two heaping teaspoons of coffee. I let it sit and cook into the hot water with more patience than I would have expected from myself. Finally - I dove in. The taste, the smell, - even just seeing my favorite mug filled with this magical black liquid that was gone from my life, it all made me so happy.<br />
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About 20 mins later, I realized I wasn't feeling so well. My hands were getting jittery and I felt like I had more energy than my body wanted to deal with. "I guess I'm more sensitive to caffeine after going without it for so long," I realized to myself, and proceeded on with my day.<br />
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Then it hit me - I was different, my old routine wasn't suitable anymore. After Yom Kippur we are all changed people. Part of what makes Yom Kippur a Yom Tov is that we are supposed to expect that G-d is going to wipe our slates clean. How often do we take that for granted? It's a superficial comparison, but I think very fitting - I'm physically different now than I was 10 days ago. In Elul I could have had two cups of strong coffee and still fall right back asleep. There's no way I'm sleeping any time soon after that much caffeine. I'm much more sensitive, and the smallest amount makes a big difference.<br />
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Think about how you are different. All of those things you davened for over the past 10 days, and especially on Yom Kippur - <i>you are that person now</i>. G-d did His part, but wiping away and removing the blemishes on our souls that we created and made it so hard to change - but we are free of that now. The hard part for us is remembering that. We no longer have those bad habits we wished away - whether it's talking gossip, getting angry, over eating, whatever - we just have to stop and remember.<br />
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May we all have an easy transition to who want to be and not forget to utilize this gift we've been given. A good and sweet year to all!</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.551221 34.889613499999989 31.985417 35.537806499999995tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-27206217986543949712013-08-26T14:28:00.002+03:002013-11-26T23:36:26.815+02:00Procrastination Frittata<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Samantha Hulkower<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1w1OF8sq3b8fCzBv-wKnyca2lW2FuU4mEf9YgFYNqNeHPs6wL5afZnn1VolxGKfmwTk7TEHyUR9FiLQDmCzv0om-5njnyu3AICvvIMJ6ouFdn00CLzBAcn701TH26qf5Mfh28q0Xa-lU/s1600/procrastination+frittat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw1w1OF8sq3b8fCzBv-wKnyca2lW2FuU4mEf9YgFYNqNeHPs6wL5afZnn1VolxGKfmwTk7TEHyUR9FiLQDmCzv0om-5njnyu3AICvvIMJ6ouFdn00CLzBAcn701TH26qf5Mfh28q0Xa-lU/s320/procrastination+frittat.jpg" width="320" /></a>Ingredients:</div>
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1 very important task that you want to put off</div>
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3 tbsp olive oil</div>
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2 medium sized potatoes, washed</div>
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2-3 cloves garlic</div>
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1 or more persons to complain to, depending on personal taste</div>
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1 small onion</div>
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4 eggs</div>
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salt and pepper</div>
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First, wait until the day before an important task is due, this really enhances the flavor of the fritatta. Set up like you are actually going to do the task, then get the ingredients together. Once you feel like you might actually get started on the task, get up and start slicing the potatoes. I almost always leave the skin on my potatoes - it's a good source of fiber and nutrients and saves time (which is important since you have this thing you really should be doing). The thinner you slice the potatoes the faster they will cook. While you are slicing, warm the olive oil on medium heat on a stove top. Arrange the potatoes in the pan and cover. If you happened to have gotten your pots and pans off of Janglo (or some other such second hand site) and they don't have lids, you can cover the pan with a sheet of tinfoil instead. Let cook for about 10 mins.</div>
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While the potatoes are cooking, start dicing the onions and garlic. I always crush the garlic first to get the most flavor, and then chop. Now is an opportune time to multitask, and start complaining to a roommate or a friend on the phone how you have this huge thing you need to do today. Other items to include in your rant include: if you had only done the task yesterday you could be doing something else today, you really aren't the type to procrastinate, or my favorite which also happens to be in season right now - my New Year's resolution is to not procrastinate like this anymore. Add onions and garlic to the pan and replace cover. At this point you can also add any other vegetables you have in the fridge that you'd like to use up.</div>
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Sit down and review the progress you've made on your task. Frequently get up to check on the frittata, knowing that it still needs to cook another 5 mins. Sit down. Get back up and mix eggs in a bowl with salt and pepper, to your own preference. Check the vegetables in the pan to make sure nothing is burning. I like to flip the potato mixture, because usually by this point the ones on the bottom are crisp and yum. Eat a few without waiting for them to cool off, because you are busy thinking of how behind you are on the task and not that food taken out of a hot skillet will be hot, so you burn your fingers and mouth. Pour the egg mixture over the vegetables and re-cover. You can turn the heat down a bit. </div>
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Sit down and check your email. Go on facebook, but don't get involved in any heated political discussions or stalking your current crush, as you don't want the frittata to burn. Sigh deeply at how much time you've spent making the frittata, and how you could have been almost done with the task if you hadn't started this procrastination technique. Get up and check on the frittata - if you like your eggs with more moisture, when the top is still wet, turn the heat off and flip the frittata and wait another min or two for the top to cook, if you prefer your eggs drier keep covered and cooking on low heat until the top is fully cooked.</div>
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Garnish with low-fat yogurt, seasonal herbs, and a growing sense of dread that now you actually have to work on the task. The frittata keeps for two days in the fridge, or until you stress eat it all in the middle of the night while trying to make your deadline. </div>
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Enjoy!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9065417989452953629.post-47164241580910227202013-08-21T14:59:00.000+03:002013-08-21T14:59:02.222+03:00Carpe Diem Forever<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By: Samantha Hulkower<br />
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I've been thinking a lot about different things I want to improve in myself. Not just because it's Elul, but because the reality of making aliyah two months ago is finally setting in. I moved to Eretz Yisrael for multiple reasons, but one of the biggest motivators was that I wanted to feel like I was actively living my life. Things were pretty great in Washington, D.C.: I had amazing friends and a strong support network, a reasonably close drive to see my family in NY (with a stylish car to get me there), a good job, a promising career in a field I really care about, and I got to bike past the White House, Washington Monument, and Jefferson Memorial on my way to work (definitely a bonus for me). However, even though everything seemed perfect on paper, I felt like I was merely existing, not truly living.<br />
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So I left that all behind for what I'd hoped to be a more meaningful life in Israel. Here I continue to be challenged to learn a new language, acclimate to a new culture, develop a new social network, and restart my career, not to mention find work to support myself in the meantime. The first month was a blur.<br />
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With the adrenaline subsiding, as things settled down into a regular routine, I heard this voice in the back of my head say, with more than a tinge of panic - this is real. Not that I want to go back, but it was a reality check: all of the things I had been planning and dreaming and striving for the past two years are finally happening. Baruch Hashem! But also - Holy Cr@p! I have to actually live up to the high expectations I set for myself. I have to struggle through the challenging situations I knew I would be putting myself in. It was easy to want those things for myself while lounging in my airy studio apartment in my happening Columbia Heights neighborhood, or waxing poetic to my friends about how I want to grow, over craftbeers at one of the hipster bars down the street. But actually living up to those things, that's a challenge.<br />
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Almost every night, before I go to sleep, I reflect on what I accomplished the day before, what I wish I did better, and what I hope to do tomorrow. Almost every night I regret not going to sleep earlier, hoping that I can still wake up early and make the most of the next day. Just today, I ended up sleeping until 10:30am and missing the 7:30am tanya class I had started going to. I was mad at myself for ruining my streak with the class. I was mad at myself for wasting the morning and didn't do the errands I had planned. I was even mad that I couldn't experience the feeling of accomplishment after doing all that I had wanted to.<br />
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Now I was stuck with a feeling of anxiety and resentment and I wasn't living up to the expectations I had set for myself. I had moved to Israel to leave my comfort zone and push myself to be the person I know I can be, and here I am, still stuck in the same bad habits. I sat down over my coffee and tried to quiet my mind. Then it came to me:<br />
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Today is the first day of the rest of my life.<br />
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I'm sure we've all heard this kind of trite tripe before. Whether at a motivational talk at work, or even on a sitcom, when the protagonists come to some glib realization before the 22 minutes are up. But today, this was different. I deeply felt that the things I want for myself can happen - and will happen. I can happen, starting right now, if I let them. We're our own worst enemy when it comes to keeping ourselves from achieving our potential. Whether it's not getting upset over little things, reducing the sugar in our diet, calling our parents more often, changing our career to what we really want to be doing with our lives - whatever it is that is keeping you from being who you know you are; you can be that person starting right now.<br />
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Today is the day.<br />
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And if you mess up, that's ok, because you've already made the decision, you're on the way. You don't have to do anything as dramatic as quit your job and move to a new hemisphere to be you. Just know that you can, and once you believe in yourself, you will.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10242374370261639129noreply@blogger.com0Jerusalem, Israel31.768319 35.21370999999999231.551221 34.889613499999989 31.985417 35.537806499999995